Do you get annoyed or frustrated when other people do not hear what you are saying?  Are you feeling not listened to and wish that your voice was heard?  Is your leadership style one of listening or hearing?

Listening Versus Hearing

People can listen to you, yet not hear you.  They may be listening to what you say, however, they will only really hear you if you relate to them in a way that they need the information to be communicated to them.  If you wish to be heard, it is important for you to take responsibility for how you communicate your message.

If you wish to be an even more effective leader you need to hear rather than just listen to your team.  If you only use your natural style in communicating with others, and it is frustrating you because it is not working, that is a sign that you need to adapt your style to that of others.  Only then will your message get through, and they will really hear you rather than only listen.

Hear Me Out

Just the way you probably dislike it when other people cut you off when you speak, and do not fully hear what you have to say, other people also dislike it.  Make sure that if you want to be heard fully, you really listen to what others say so that they can return the courtesy to you.

When you, your team, customers and suppliers listen, they have a preference for how they listen.  This preference will be either direct or indirect.  This preference can be changed and we can also learn to adapt to the preferences of those around us.  Effective leaders adapt to the listening styles in their team.

The Direct Listener

The direct listener will exhibit the following traits:

  • Responds best to a direct request eg. can you write this report for me today?
  • Will respond less to hints and implications (eg. I am wondering what the solution to this is) than to direct requests
  • May interpret hints and vague statements as nice to know information, rather than a call to action.

If you would like the direct listener in your team to really hear you and respond to your request, be direct and to the point with your requests.  Avoid being vague or abstract when seeking a response from them.  Because a direct listener may not hear your compliments or positive feedback if it is “hidden” in a vague statement, make sure you are direct and obvious with any compliments or positive feedback you give to them.

The Indirect Listener

Meanwhile, the indirect listener will demonstrate the following:

  • Reads into what people say
  • Thinks that any statement is a request for action
  • Offers solutions and help even when you are simply venting about a problem, rather than seeking a solution.

Their natural tendency is to take on the burden of solving the problems you share with them.  As a result, they may get frustrated if you then do not act on their suggested solution.  If you would like the indirect listener in your team to really hear you and appreciate your situation, let them know when you are simply talking about or sharing a problem and when you are actually seeking help with the problem.

In the absence of this clarity from you, the indirect listener will automatically launch into helping you even if that is not what you seek.  This is why you may have a disagreement with other people when you share a problem with them and they automatically offer you a solution.  All you really want is someone to listen, really hear you and be empathetic.

Be mindful of the difference in the listening style you, your team, customers and suppliers have and adapt your style to suit their preference.  Notice how much more easily and effectively you will then get your message through by being flexible in your leadership style.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt.  She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience, including working directly with CEOs, senior executives and their teams to assist them to create exceptional results.  Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities.  For additional free resources please visit www.qttransformation.com

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