What is preventing you from asserting yourself with your peers, manager, team members, prospects, customers and suppliers?  Do you worry about being rude or pushy or how others will perceive you?  Are you concerned about having a confrontation?

Having spent most of my 35 years in business in male dominated environments, I have watched the traits of highly successful professionals and business owners.  One trait that is critical to your ongoing success is the ability to stand up for yourself, to back yourself fully and ask for what you do want… and importantly, with tact!

What Prevents You?

Often we hold ourselves back from standing our ground and asking for what we really want for a number of reasons.  Below is an exercise to help you to explore your reasons for holding back.

Think about the last three times you neglected to assert yourself with your peers, manager, team members, prospects, customers and suppliers.  Perhaps you were thinking of asking for a pay increase, or asking for some help on a project, or asking for the next career opportunity/promotion?

What stopped you from voicing your opinion or standing up for yourself?  As you think about those times, ask yourself:

  • What was I thinking about just prior to wanting to assert myself?
  • How was I feeling at that time?
  • Were my thoughts and feelings positive or negative?

Write down everything that comes to mind around these three scenarios now.  As you read through your replies to the above questions, what do you notice?  Are there any beliefs holding you back from asserting yourself (eg. fear of confrontation, fear of a negative reaction, not wanting to be pushy or rude, pleasing others, etc.)?

If there are any of these beliefs present, it is important to address them.  Left unaddressed, these insecurities will continue to affect how you think and act, including whether or not you assert yourself and ask for what you really want.  Then it is also important to have strategies to assert yourself tactfully.

Clarity is Key

Most people are unclear about what they want to achieve in their communication with their peers, manager, team members, prospects, customers and suppliers. In the absence of that clarity they find it difficult to know what to say, what to ask for and how to say it.  Once you have that clarify it is far easier to achieve your desired outcome because you will then know what to say and how to say it.

Think about your next conversation.  What specifically would you like to achieve?  For example, do you want to be assertive and stand up for yourself or achieve something else?

Next, think about what you will say and how you will say it so that you achieve what you have set out to do.  Which words will you use? Which tone of voice, facial expression, and posture will be most effective?  Ensure that your tone of voice, words, facial expression and posture all match the message you wish to send.

Disagree with Tact

If the response you receive from your peer, manager, team member, prospect, customer or supplier is one of disagreement with your comments to them, avoid disagreeing with them directly.  If you disagree with them directly, this could end up in an argument. Instead, if you do disagree with them or wish to present an alternative view, do it with tact.

In reply to them you could say “I appreciate your view and (put in your reply).”  Notice that I have used the word “and” instead of “but”.  Avoid “but” when disagreeing with your peer, manager, team member, prospect, customer or supplier.  If you say “I appreciate that but…”, on a subconscious level you are dismissing what the other person has just said, which could lead to a disagreement or misunderstanding.  “But” is very dismissive, instead use “and”.

Asserting yourself is now as easy as 3 steps:

  1. Most importantly, identify and address any limiting beliefs and insecurities that prevent you from being assertive and asking for what you really want
  2. Clarify what you want to achieve in your communication
  3. If you need to disagree with your peer, manager, team member, prospect, customer or supplier, do it with tact using the above tips.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is an author, speaker, media commentator, the founder and Performance Transformation Expert® with award-winning company, Qt.  She is the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques, holds a PhD, a BEc and has over 35 years’ business experience, including working directly with CEOs, senior executives and their teams to assist them to create exceptional results.  Her Amazon best-selling book, Stop Sabotaging Your Confidence, has also been gifted to Hollywood and Australian award winners, nominees, hosts and celebrities.  For additional free resources please visit www.qttransformation.com

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